Stress consultant Richard Carlson says this simple strategy brings remarkable results. The almost immediate effects include increased patience, added perspective and, as a side benefit, more gratitude and respect from others.
The strategy itself is quite simple. It involves nothing more than pausing, then breathing, after the person to whom you are speaking is finished. At first, the time gap between your voices may seem like an eternity but, in reality, it amounts to only a fraction of a second of actual time. You will get used to the power and beauty of breathing, and come to appreciate it as well.
It will bring you closer to, and earn you more respect from, nearly everyone that you come in contact with. You will find that being listened to is one of rarest, most treasured gifts that you can give. All it takes is intention and practice.
If you observe the conversations around you, you’ll notice that, often, what many of us do is simply wait for our chance to speak. We’re not really listening to the other person, but simply waiting for an opening to express our own view. We often complete other people’s sentences, or say tilings like, “Yeah, yeah,” or “I know,” very rapidly, urging them to hurry up so that we can have our turn. It seems that talking to one another is sometimes more like sparring back and forth like fighters or ping-pong balls than it is enjoying or learning from the conversation.
This harried form of communication encourages us to criticise points of view, overreact, misinterpret meaning, impute false motives and form opinions, all before our fellow communicator has even finished speaking. No wonder we are so often annoyed, bothered and irritated with one another. With our poor listening skills, it’s a miracle that we have any friends at all!
I spent most of my life waiting for my turn to speak. If you’re at all like me, you’ll be pleasantly amazed at the softer reactions and looks of surprise as you let others completely finish their thought before you begin yours. Often you will be allowing someone to feel listened to for the very first time. You will sense a feeling of relief coming from the person to whom you are speaking – and a much calmer, less rushed feeling between the two of you. No need to worry that you won’t get your turn to speak – you will. In fact, it will be more rewarding to speak because the person you are speaking to will pick up on your respect and patience and will begin to do the same.
– Source: Extract from the book, ‘Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff)’ by US stress consultant Richard Carlson.